Ten years ago, I stood under the chuppah—beneath two massive banyan trees—and exchanged wedding vows with a man who had orchestrated our first meeting with the precision of a romantic comedy plot.
We met in 2008 at the Health Sciences Library on the Stony Brook University campus. I lived in the Chapin Apartments—named after “Cat’s in the Cradle” singer Harry Chapin—reserved for graduate students like me, as I pursued my MPH. And there was Ethan CHAPIN, a first-year med student. Was that bashert or what?
He had a genuine smile and kind eyes. Candidly, he was nothing like the guys I usually dated. There was a sincerity and wholesomeness that was foreign to me (sorry, Dad). When his cell phone rang in his pocket—playing The Office theme song—I thought it was fate. My favorite show! Had I found the Jim to my Pam? (Spoiler alert: I had.)
I discovered after we married that this was entirely premeditated. He’d asked a mutual friend about me, found my Facebook page (which in 2008 included a list of favorite shows), set his ringtone to The Office theme, had a friend call him at the perfect moment, and cast his spell.
There was a brief moment after we initially started dating where we were apart but, as they say on Seinfeld, yada yada yada—here we are, all these years later. We never looked back.
We couldn’t have had more different upbringings. Ethan was raised in a beautiful small town in Southern California to an all-American family—father was a park ranger, mother was a teacher. One of five siblings, all raised to love nature and read lots of books. They baked bread. Had home-cooked meals 7 days a week. I was raised in South Brooklyn as the only child of the Jewish Tony Soprano and a forever-young party girl mother. My childhood was loud dinners at restaurants multiple times a week and weekend excursions to Atlantic City. Yet somehow, these two wildly different worlds collided in a university library and created something beautiful.
Ethan and I are different in so many ways but similar in the ones that matter most. Nothing in this world makes me happier than knowing our children have a father who shows them, every day, what it means to be a good human. When our son Dylan’s teacher told me recently that he’s “such a good, KIND boy,” I couldn’t help but grin. Sure, he may have my math brain and chicken legs, but he has his daddy’s heart, and for that I’m forever grateful.
A random but timely aside: last night, Ethan stayed late after his shift to do charts (because standing on your feet for 12 hours, with lives literally in your hands, without so much as a bathroom break isn’t enough - post-shift paperwork awaits). I sent Ethan a photo of a picture that our daughter Sophia drew that hung outside her classroom. Ethan loved it, but when he noticed that he was on the roof...winking...with a beer - he chuckled and asked Sophia about it.
This put our little spitfire in a RAGE. Was daddy saying he didn’t like the picture she drew? She immediately sent him a video (I wish I could share it here, but won’t for privacy reasons) saying that she was heartbroken that he didn’t like the photo. In scrubs, exhausted, he sent back this video... I mean...c’mon.
Ethan treats every single person as an equal. He receives notes from patients regularly, thanking him for his kindness and humanity. He stays late at the hospital to properly sign out his patients rather than hastily handing them off. He cries when he loses someone. During COVID, when he lost his first patient to the virus—an otherwise healthy forty-something man from South America, the sole breadwinner with a wife and four young children—Ethan showed up at their house with a grocery gift card. The widow had wept to him that she wouldn’t be able to feed her children that week, and he couldn’t let that stand.
Despite a grueling schedule as an ER doc who stares death in the face every single day, Ethan always shows up for me and our kids. He is the doctor we should all hope to see at the foot of our hospital bed if we find ourselves there. He’s the reason I get feral when I hear people dismiss doctors as cold, or greedy, or just going through the motions. Sure, there are bad apples in every profession—but not my guy (and not the majority of doctors). This is a man who genuinely cares, who carries his patients’ stories home with him, who sees the human being behind every chart.
But perhaps what I’m most grateful for is his unwavering faith in me. When I decided to start my own business, with all the uncertainty that entailed—the overdraft fees, the late nights, the travel, the constant hustle—he never wavered. He believed in my mission even when the bank account suggested otherwise. He respected my vision enough to weather the storms alongside me, never once making me feel guilty for chasing something that mattered to me. There would be no Unbiased Science without him, and I’ll be forever grateful.
We’ve seen each other through dizzying milestones—med school, grad school, residency, a million jobs, career changes, multiple cross-country moves, buying and selling houses, life-altering losses, and all that is the beautiful rollercoaster of marriage and parenthood. I’ve watched Ethan grow from that bright-eyed med student to a confident, supportive, loving dad and husband, and the type of doctor that people dream of having in their time of need.
Of course, no relationship is perfect, and we have our share of ups and downs, but there is the forever-constant mutual love, respect, and admiration that seem to grow every year. There is nothing that life can throw at us that we can’t face together.
Every morning unfolds the same—making coffee, our usual routine frenzy. The familiar clumsy dance of feeding dogs and cats (and kids). It’s in these ordinary moments, in our beautifully chaotic house, that I’m reminded: this man feels like home.
I like you and I love you, handsome. Here’s to 10 years of marriage, 17 years of adventure, and a lifetime more to come.
xoxo,
Jess
10.10.25 💫
In the morning, when I rise
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright❤️
I'm so quick to delete emails from my inbox and I am soooooo happy I paused, clicked to open, and read this beautiful testament to life and love. Mazel tov, Jess!
This is beautiful. Real love inspires, encourages and brings joy to everyone who is blessed enough to witness it. Thank you for sharing yours with all of us 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 CONGRATS!!