Picture this: You’re reaching for the green beans at Thanksgiving dinner when Aunt Susan gasps, “Don’t eat those! They’re cooked in SEED OILS!”
Your cousin chimes in about how measles is actually good for kids (apparently, some are now claiming it prevents cancer). At the same time, Uncle Bob launches into his theory about Tylenol causing autism. Grandma’s clutching her detox tea, and someone just called the COVID vaccine “experimental gene therapy.” Pass the wine.
Sound familiar?
If you’re someone who spends their days swimming in science, these moments feel like choosing between biting your tongue so hard it bleeds or becoming the family killjoy who ruins dinner with a PowerPoint presentation.
But these conversations matter. Not because we’re going to debunk every myth between the mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, but because we have something precious that no viral TikTok or wellness influencer can claim: genuine trust and love.
Your family already trusts you. That’s half the battle won right there. When Aunt Susan hears about seed oils from a stranger on Instagram, she’s skeptical but intrigued. When you—the niece she’s watched grow up, who she knows has no agenda except caring about her wellbeing—shares a different perspective, that seed lands in fertile ground.
Before you leap across the table and spill the gravy, take a breath. Remind yourself that your family’s fears come from a good place: they want to be healthy and protect their loved ones. They’re just drowning in bad information designed to go viral. Know that you are likely not going to convince Aunt Susan to abandon her seed oil fears in one conversation.
Your goal for these conversations is to open the door, not win a debate. You want Aunt Susan to start asking better questions so that she mentions to her book club, “Well, my niece who works in public health said something interesting...” And suddenly, that seed you planted starts sprouting in conversations you’ll never even know about.
The Seed Oil Panic (Or: Why Aunt Susan Can Eat the Green Beans)
When Aunt Susan warns about inflammatory seed oils, try this: “I totally get it—I’ve seen those videos too! You know what’s interesting, though? We’ve been eating these oils for decades, and researchers have been studying them the whole time. Let’s take a look at what the data looks like together...“
Listen and acknowledge her concerns. When she brings up concerns about inflammation, let her know that you hear her. Keep it simple: “So yes, seed oils have omega-6s, and yes, your body can turn those into inflammatory compounds. But it also turns them into anti-inflammatory compounds. You need both—it’s how your body maintains balance. The research shows that normal amounts don’t cause the chronic inflammation people worry about.”
Be calm when she pushes back and give her something to think about. “I know, the claims online sound scary! But we have massive studies following hundreds of thousands of people for decades. The major health organizations—American Heart Association, WHO, everyone—they’ve looked at all this data. They say these oils actually help lower bad cholesterol when you use them instead of butter or lard. If they were really dangerous, we’d see it in the data by now.”
For the “they’re processed with chemicals” concern: “You know, ‘processed’ has become this scary word online, but that high-fiber cereal you had this morning? Processed. The Greek yogurt? Processed. Even bagged salad is technically processed. The word just means ‘prepared in some way.’ With seed oils, yes, for certain types they use hexane to extract the oil, but the amount left after processing is basically nothing—less than 10 parts per million. That’s like finding 10 grains of sugar in a 10-pound bag. Don’t get sucked into the ‘all processed foods are bad’ trap. It’s about what the processing does, not the fact that it happened.”
Bottom line: The boring truth is that no single food is the villain. It’s about your overall diet—eating vegetables, not overdoing anything, the stuff we already know. I have lots of materials from a page I follow called Unbiased Science (shameless plug) that I can send to you tomorrow after we’ve slept off our turkey hangover!”
Well, Bless Your Heart, Uncle Bob
Validate that you have seen similar posts and concerns. When someone brings up vaccines or another medical intervention “causing” [insert one of the countless myths circulating online]: “Oh man, I saw those posts too. I understand why people are confused. Here’s what helped me make sense of it...”
For Tylenol and autism: “I know people are making some really bold, scary statements, but it’s a lot less scary when you look at what’s actually been studied. Sweden looked at 2.5 million kids—including siblings where one got Tylenol and one didn’t. Same parents, same house, same genes. If Tylenol caused autism, the kids whose moms took it while pregnant would have higher rates. They didn’t. When you account for family factors, the link disappears. I heard that those studies also didn’t account for the reasons why the pregnant mother was taking Tylenol (like chronic pain, fever, etc)-- and maybe it’s those things that are actually linked to autism.”
For “measles is beneficial”: “I know, some people say it ‘strengthens’ the immune system, but the opposite is true. It actually erases your immune memory. Kids who get measles lose protection from other diseases they’d already fought off. Researchers found kids lost 11-73% of their antibodies to other infections. It’s like measles hits the delete button on your immune system’s memory.”
For “COVID vaccine changes your DNA”: “I get why people worry about that—mRNA sounds like DNA, right? But DNA is locked in a vault in your cells. mRNA never gets the keys to that vault. It stays outside, makes its protein, then dissolves in a few days. It’s physically impossible for it to change your DNA. Plus, there’s nothing experimental about the mRNA technology. It’s been studied for over three decades.”
When Grandma Shows Up with Detox Tea
Be direct but kind: “Oh, Grandma, detox teas aren’t as helpful as many claim (and some can be dangerous)! Your liver and kidneys already detox your body perfectly—that’s literally their job. These teas aren’t regulated, nobody’s testing what’s actually in them, and they can mess with your medications. Some have even caused liver damage. If you want tea, regular green tea or chamomile is great! But those ‘detox’ ones? Pure marketing. Save your money for something that actually works.”
The “Draining the Swamp” Discussion
When RFK Jr. comes up as the hero “taking on Big Pharma”, you might say: “I totally get the frustration with our healthcare system. I know you’ve been struggling to get answers about your chronic pain, and that’s really frustrating. The system has real problems. But there’s no grand conspiracy here—imagine trying to coordinate millions of scientists worldwide!
In reality, everything gets peer-reviewed, which means other scientists pick it apart, looking for flaws (I’ve heard this can be brutal!). Scientists work everywhere—universities, government, public organizations, private companies—and they’re all checking each other’s work. Plus, now there’s more transparency than ever. Researchers must disclose their funding, conflicts of interest, and everything else.
The system isn’t perfect, but it’s not a conspiracy. It’s mostly underpaid researchers arguing about data and trying to get published.”
Magic Phrases That Actually Work
It is important that Granny, Aunt Susan, and Pop Pop feel respected. Don’t shame them or make them feel foolish. Meeting them where they are means understanding that we are all the products of our own information ecosystems. They likely see very different posts and videos than you do when you log into social media. At the end of the day, you both want the same things (health and happiness). So bite your tongue, check your judgment, and try some of these magic phrases.
“I saw that too!” validates without agreeing.
“With all the info online, it’s so confusing,” acknowledges the real problem.
“Here’s what helped me understand it...” shares without preaching.
“The algorithm pushes scary stuff because it gets clicks,” blames the system.
“That’s interesting—where did you see that?” keeps it conversational.
“I used to worry about that too until I learned...” shows you’re on the same team.
You won’t convert anyone over turkey. Success is:
Your aunt saying “Huh, I never thought about it that way.”
Your cousin asking actual questions
Your uncle pausing before sharing that sketchy post
Your family knowing they can come to you with health questions
Table It and Follow Up
Just like a cooked turkey needs to rest, Aunt Susan needs time to mull this over. Wait a week and forward that Unbiased Science post or infographic that explains Tylenol safety. Aunt Susan won’t change her mind overnight. But you are making progress with every seed you plant. Maybe your cousin mentions what you said to a coworker. Your aunt googles what the American Heart Association actually says. Your uncle starts noticing when articles don’t cite real sources.
This is how we rebuild trust: one conversation, one family member, one holiday at a time.
Unbiased Science Has Your Back!
If you’re dreading these conversations, join us on November 20th at 4 PM EST for “Tips for Talks Around the Thanksgiving Table.”
Our panel:
Aimee Bernard, PhD (immunologist)
David Higgins, MD, MPH (pediatrician and epidemiologist)
Carrie McMahon, PhD (food regulatory scientist)
Me, Jess Steier, DrPH—your public health translator
We’ll practice real scenarios and share what actually works without making anyone defensive. Register here.
While attendance is free, we invite you to consider making a tax-deductible donation to our non-profit organization, The Center for Unbiased Science and Health. Thanks so much for your support.
Food for Thought
When you respond with patience instead of eye-rolls, with “I understand” instead of “you’re wrong,” you become the person they’ll actually listen to.
Will Aunt Susan throw out her coconut oil and embrace canola? Probably not. But she might realize that health is more complicated than social media makes it seem. She might question the next scary headline. She might trust you enough to check with you before panicking.
In our divided world, that trust is everything.
Stay Curious,
Unbiased Science
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Join us November 20th at 4 PM EST. Register here for talking points that actually work.
Great, just great! I try to just say, "that's interesting, where did you hear/read it? I'd like to learn more"...and not grind my teeth too loudly.
I thoroughly enjoyed this, grokked every word of it and feel proselytized by it. Thank you!